The day is getting nearer… the excitement and anticipation to finally get married to the love of your life is high. You can’t wait to celebrate it with your loved ones. But the anxiety of making sure it all goes right is also rising. What if… What if… What if… is running through your head. You’re beginning to go over the day-of schedule you’ve given caterers and making sure you have all the details you need.

Take a deep breath.

Ultimately, your wedding day is about the joy of marriage, partnership, and sharing your love with the people you care about most. And while we all have that relative who will tell you about how things “should” have gone, this day is not about them — it’s about you. Tell the inner Aunt Kathy to take a chill pill and remember to focus on these five of elements of your wedding day timeline that will help smooth every detail out.

1. HAVE SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF IT.

A big part of enjoying the day you get married is being able to enjoy it. This may seem like a silly point, but many couples who don’t appoint a person other than themselves to run the day end up spending it catering to their guests’ needs and logistical issues rather than celebrating. The best way to solve this is to have a friend, family member, or professional coordinator be part of the planning process in order to own the day-of execution. No matter if the person in charge of the day is your aunt or your wedding planner, you should give space for this person to know all of the team players, the vendors, and the values you have for this day.

Weddings end up being an all-hands-on-deck kind of experience. So, whoever is in charge needs to know which friend or family member is volunteering for what. That way, they can see to it that those tasks are executed and nothing is left behind. (We will expand more on this in element number five.) The same theory applies to all the vendors. When the coordinator of the day has read all the contracts for your vendors, they will be able to make sure everything runs as it should. If any issue should arise, they will be familiar enough with the paperwork to deal with it and let you, the couple, enjoy the day.

For many couples in the do-it-yourself spirit (like me!), it’s very tempting to plan the entire celebration yourself and then hand it over for the day of. I learned throughout my planning process that this can actually work against you, giving the coordinator very little understanding of your perspective and goals. They will be focused on a checklist of tasks without being able to see the essence of the entire experience. If something goes wrong, they won’t be able to prioritize what’s most important to you because they won’t know! Most importantly, to us at Tapestry Event Co., whoever your coordinator is should be familiar with who you are as individuals and a couple and what values you want to bring to this day. We have multiple meetings with our couples before a day-of coordination to make sure we get a deeper understanding of our couples’ goals. When coordinators do this, then they are able to look at the big picture and the details with fresh eyes to make sure your vision is the number one priority of the day!

2. BUILD IN SPACE.

We love space. Space to breathe, space to reflect, and space to enjoy. Wedding days are once in a lifetime experiences with this person you love, and you want to do as many things as possible to celebrate that! Sometimes this means that schedules are packed so tightly with activities that couples and guests end up moving between them rather than enjoying them.

I want to hold space for things like traveling between locations, easing into your wedding dress, enjoying the scenery, stopping to take a photo when the light is perfect, hanging out by the bonfire with your friends, eating the meal you so meticulously curated, etc... Building in wiggle room, such as a 10-15 minute buffer between each activity, allows you and your guests to breathe and enjoy each moment.

This helps your vendors too. When life happens, and it always does, you have built in time to accommodate whatever issue may arise. When couples remember to build in space to their day, the schedule flows smoother and everyone is able to enjoy themselves.

I also want to remind you to hold space for yourself in the planning process for your wedding. Whether you decide to plan it yourself or find a planner, the system that you use needs to work for you. Finding a planner that connects with your energy and lifestyle is so important because you’ll be making big decisions together, be that budget, decor, or guest list. This day is an emotional one by the nature of what it is celebrating. Hold space for the emotions that come up in planning, anticipation, and excitement. Listen to them. They are all good and valid and will contribute to you making the actual day the most authentic to you and your partner as it can be.

3. TRIANGLE OF MOVEMENT.

This is more of an industry term, but a very important concept in any party, gathering, or wedding. (Your future parties will thank you.) It’s the concept that any party needs three activities or stations at any moment of unstructured focus. In a house party this would be the snacks in the living room, the dance floor in the basement, and the kitchen where everyone chats and gets drinks. In a wedding reception, an example could be the dessert and drinks, the photo booth, and the dance floor. I received this advice early in my wedding planning process. As I was structuring the schedule, after the ceremony I built a cocktail hour with a drinks and appetizer station, large lawn games, and a lounge area with lots of activities for kids and photo backdrop opportunities. We will regain a focused, communal moment at dinner with toasts and such, and then after our first dance will have three stations consisting of dessert and drinks, the dance floor, and the photo booth. A wow-factor always brings the group together as a great focal moment, be it fireworks, a special live performance, or a speech. And activities don't have to be just dancing — if food is an important part of your day, watching the catering team prep the food could be an activity guests can participate in (such as watching a chef roast a pig or prepare sushi rolls).

As a general guideline, most planners recommend that any communal activity take 15-45 minutes and that your guests wander for more than 15 minutes without direction or another station to explore. In both cases, like dogs and squirrels, your humans will start to lose focus and can become visibly uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with you; it’s a human instinct. With the triangle of movement, guests can filter through a few activities and be able to entertain themselves without feeling lost.

4. FREEDOM TO BE CREATIVE.

I’ve said this a few times throughout the post, but this is the moment where I reiterate there’s no right or wrong way to celebrate your wedding day. Feel free to defy conventions or be as traditional as you want. This day represents the union of you and your partner as a couple, so it should look like the two of you together. Don’t spend energy on things you don’t like about the wedding industry or wedding traditions. Before including any element into your wedding timeline ask yourself, “Is this something I want to do on my wedding day?” Then, set aside the things that don’t work for you.

Something we emphasize at Tapestry is that no idea is wrong. We enact that by letting your personalities lead us to the activities and structure of the day. Do you love water slides and barbecues? Let’s inflate a big huge slide for you and your guests to play around in all afternoon. Do you love the outdoors? Let's organize a family hike from the ceremony spot to the reception. I can’t reiterate enough how much this day is about you, your partner, and how you want to celebrate the rest of your lives together. 

Remember to return to the values that you declared a priority in element number one and make sure that’s what’s highlighted throughout the day. Whether that be an emphasis on family support, a big dance party, communion with nature, or just time to hang out with your friends, we want you to feel like what’s important to you shines the brightest.

5. STAFFING YOUR WEDDING.

This final item is un-sexy but so important. It’s something no one wants to spend money on but becomes high-impact during the minutiae of the day. Putting together a big party, let alone a wedding, is work. And though friends and family love to help out, you have to know that you can rely on the service they say they are going to provide so that the day goes as planned. Part of that process is putting together a list of who is doing what. It’s called “The Task List,” another industry term we are clueing you in on ;). It’s a running tally of what jobs you assign to any non-professionals throughout the planning process. This way you know how much you are asking of your All Star helpers, and they know exactly what role they are playing. You can see when you might have put too much on their plates so that you can hire professionals so that your friends and family can also enjoy the wedding.

By communicating with any friends or family who volunteer their time exactly what role they are playing, everyone involved will feel more secure. Don’t be afraid to ask if they are insured for the equipment they might bring, to sign a contract that declares a price (if they are offering you a discounted rate) and terms of agreement, or to ask them to practice. There’s nothing worse than an MC who has never MCed in their life. Professionals are professionals for a reason, so if you make the choice to ask friends and family to help out, be assertive in communicating what the expectations are.

If you are hiring help, make sure you track what they are doing as well. Thoroughly read over your contracts and ask questions. What does your planner or coordinator do during the wedding day? What holes need to be filled? There are a lot of details couples often forget to ask, like if the caterer takes care of the garbage or if the rental team sets up the rentals themselves. If there is a scene change in a room where both the ceremony and reception take place, who is moving the furniture? Who is guiding the guests to the next location? Sometimes caterers will surprise you with the services they offer. Sometimes a planner has a whole team you can hire for the day-of to help out. If you are finding more holes than filling them, there are staffing companies that can be hired out to do all sorts of tasks. Making sure you know each task will be taken care of will make the actual wedding day so much easier for you and your guest and doesn’t leave a loved one cleaning up the mess.

At the end of the day, you and your partner are inviting the people you love to join you for this day. Putting thought into how you are hosting them and providing for their comfort will make the experience joyful for everyone involved. Keeping these five elements in mind will help you enjoy your day and keep the chaos and stress at a minimum and the love, joy, and togetherness at a maximum.

— Kelleen