The tradition of a wedding registry has a lot of history. In this blog, we are going to share our favorite registry items as well as some background on the wedding registry tradition. We think it’s important to understand the registry’s roots before you can identify whether having a registry is the correct choice for your wedding celebration. If you have weird feelings about a registry and don’t quite know why, or are having a hard time deciding whether the tradition is the right one for you, then we hope this article helps you sort out an answer.

THE HISTORY OF THE WEDDING REGISTRY.

Gift giving’s relationship to marriage is a product of societal expectations for marriage and the patriarchal structure behind it. The wedding registry’s ancestors came in the form of bride prices, then dowries. Our bones ache thinking about women being valued for the material assets they bring to a marriage. Bless being born in these times. The function of these gifts was to improve the family assets and position that the bride was marrying into, thereby elevating the family legacy.

After bride prices and dowries came marriage chests, then hope chests. These chests were an accumulation of home goods, sentimental items, and valuables that a bride would bring with her to her marriage home. Here, the transaction shifted from benefiting the family of the groom to the new family home.

The more modern tradition of a wedding registry rose as marriage became less transactional in the 1920s and on, shifting the gift-giving impetus from the couple’s families to the guests themselves. Marshalls Field’s (now owned by Macy’s) took the concept mainstream to guide brides in their registry selections for items like china, crystal, and silver collections for their new homes. While those kinds of gifts occupy a less practical place in a 20th century home, they are sentimental items passed down through families, used to remember family gatherings at holidays and the stories of generations passed. Do we love that the accumulation and care of homegoods and values is inextricably linked to the bride in a cisgendered relationship? No, we don’t love that. But we can appreciate the practice of gift giving to a young couple by guests to start them off on the right foot.

Now, wedding registries have become even more streamlined with website offerings and inventories, paired with the option for old-fashioned registries at big box stores still available in most major cities. The modernized practice of gift giving from guest to couple remains intact. Today, the practice of creating a registry often falls on the shoulders of the bride in a cisgendered relationship (the patriarchy is still with us, after all), but we’ve observed a much more equitable development of registries between both members of the couple as the years go on. It’s true that younger couples could still benefit from a leg-up when it comes to homewares, and that those gifts will be appreciated for years to come. It’s also worth acknowledging that single people and non-married couples would benefit from the same kind of support from their communities, but don’t have the same institutional expectation of a “wedding” to lean on in order to initiate or call in that support. We support the rise of apartment- or house-warming and baby registries as alternative formats for gift giving and rallying community support. We’re on the right path, but there’s still room for improvement.

WEDDING REGISTRIES + YOUR VALUES.

Sure, it can feel strange asking for exactly what you want in a gift, but you also don’t want the same blender twice, right? The practice of gift giving lives on and the reality is that there will be those guests who want to give you gifts, regardless of whether you have a registry. (Trust us, we received our own fair share of random vases and ornate saucepans at our own wedding, and we had a registry available to our guests!)

If it still feels misaligned to create a registry, listen to your gut. Patriarchal roots aside, some couples already have the items they need to live happily and make their home. If that’s the case for you, we invite you to read on for some of our more creative gift giving ideas. These are for guests who want an avenue to give a gift, registry or otherwise. If channeling that enthusiasm into an even more modern take feels right for you, then skip on down to the Nontraditional Registry Ideas section.

If receiving gifts from your guests feels like it will benefit your marriage, then we say registry away! We invite you to add items at varying price points and to make sure each item chosen serves a functional purpose in your lives. We also invite you to create a registry that reflects your values, whether it’s cooking, travel, or anything else that defines your relationship. Read on for our favorite registry items for the modern couple!

TRADITIONAL REGISTRY IDEAS

Anything kitchen related. 

Truly, we get the most compliments on items in our kitchen that were given to us by our family. The Vitamix blender, the Le Creuset ceramic french press, the Kitchenaid stand mixer, the Finex cast iron skillet that weighs a million pounds; these are items we use darn near daily. They add a ton of value to our lives. And they are also items that we would not have purchased for ourselves until far into our marriage. They weren’t urgently needed at the time, but now they are an invaluable part of our daily routines as a family. If you have kitchen needs and wants that fit this bill, add them to your registry. If the price point feels inaccessible to your guests, use a universal registry (like Zola) to break them down into multiple payments that each guest can opt into to buy you a combined gift.

The little things you touch every day.

Similar to kitchen related items, items in your home that you will use near daily are the ones that you will appreciate the most. Trade in your overused college towels for a fresh set in a color you like. Get the funny and functional doormat that welcomes friends and family to your home with clean feet. Place your plant collection in a set of upgraded pots to care for them. Consider a fresh set of sheets, or a set of winter and summer seasonal sheets, that you can wrap yourself up in every night in comfort. One of our favorite gifts (and one that has spoiled us for life) is a pair of King-size memory foam pillows that we lay our heads on every single night. Seriously, no other pillows compare. Other items that top the list include a matching set of silverware, specialty utensils, art pieces by BIPOC creators, a cozy blanket for your living room, a Patagonia fleece blanket or sweater, a kick-ass thermos for your morning coffee, the list goes on… If you choose items relevant to your everyday lives, you will have countless opportunities to think about the humans who provided them to you and sent warm, loving thoughts of gratitude to stay connected.

NEWLY TRADITIONAL REGISTRY ITEMS

Honeymoon fund.

It can be rare that you carve out time and delight in a vacation that celebrates love. Consider this the first opportunity to establish that tradition in your married life. Whether it’s a small getaway near town (a mini-moon) or a larger getaway in a different scene or country (a honeymoon), we think taking time to yourselves to connect deeply is the bee’s knees. In the last decade and with the rise of universal registries, couples have been able to create “funds” on their registries that they can allocate to different purposes. You can create one encompassing mini-moon or honeymoon fund with some information about where you’d like to go and what you’d like to do. You can also create smaller funds for each accommodation or experience you’d like to have on the trip, like tours, massages, dinners, or stays. We’ve seen couples blend both approaches successfully as well, giving guests the opportunity to either buy an experience or contribute to a larger, general fund. 

Travel/experiences fund. 

If you’re paying for your mini-moon or honeymoon out of pocket, or if that tradition simply isn’t a fit for you, then you can harness the gift-giving energy of your guests into travel and experience funds. Just like a honeymoon fund, you can create different funds on a universal registry for travel or experiences you want to have in the first few years of marriage. You may amass everyone’s donations in a single travel fund, or create separate funds for each trip you want to go on or experience you want to have. What’s important here is that your guests can channel their generosity into a gift that makes your values come to life. It’s a win-win for everyone!

NONTRADITIONAL REGISTRY ITEMS

The Adventure Challenge.

At Tapestry, we are all about surrounding ourselves with tools that help us reflect, adventure, and celebrate love. The Adventure Challenge checks all three boxes! This company creates giftable books that prompt couples to pursue new adventures, experiences, and conversations that keep things fresh and alive in your relationship. You can explore the more traditional Couples Edition or expand out into their other (sometimes, saucier) options. 

Date night fund. 

Sometimes large or extravagant gifts really don’t resonate with you. That’s okay! If you already feel set up for success in home life with your partner and do not want to invite large financial contributions from your guests, you can break funds into smaller gifts that still give your guests the opportunity to contribute to your married life. We love the idea of using a universal registry to create date night funds for the first year of your marriage. So often, the celebration of your marriage creates a peak of excitement in your lives. For some couples, we see a vacuum of energy enter in the months following their celebration. While rest is important, it’s also important to continue fostering intentional connection and quality time with one another. Having scheduled date nights is a practice that we encourage for everyone. Whether it’s going out to a nice dinner, sharing an experience, or eating takeout and watching a movie on the couch – take time to connect. Your guests can be a part of building that habit by giving you the funds for these date nights, however you choose to celebrate them. For a special touch, you might even send a Polaroid or thank you card after each date night to the person who made it possible.

Donation fund. 

If channeling the gift giving spirit to benefit others feels more aligned for your and your partner, listen to that wise inner voice. Spread the abundance by creating donation funds that redirect the generosity of your guests to those in greater need. We’ve seen couples successfully do this by creating funds on a universal registry for each charity or cause. We’ve also seen couples do this by encouraging guests to bring cash or checks to their wedding, then drop them in the box for the cause they want to contribute towards. You can also include a link to donate to each cause directly on their website which, for larger contributions, attributes the tax benefit back to your guests. If this route feels right to you, make it clear how people can contribute towards these causes. Include what each cause means to the two of you and why you chose it. Encourage your guests to choose the one that they favor and, with your introduction, invite them to make a recurring contribution each year if the cause speaks to them, too.

— Kate Faoro Wright, Tapestry Creative Director