The role of a coordinator for a wedding is much like an octopus; you’re pulling resources, people, and plans into one centralized body. More often than not, each team is unique to each couple and each celebration. Each tentacle is responsible for managing a different aspect of the day with different team members and parties invested in making the vision come to life. With so many aspects swirling around each other, it takes one brain to keep them all working together. Every time something shifts, all the other tentacles need to adjust their course so that the plan continues to move forward as a unit. So from our octopus brains to yours, we wanted to pass along our best practices for keeping your celebration’s coordination plan focused and balanced.

These concepts should be reviewed and put into action two months before the big day, ideally. We want to make sure you have a running start on any communication you may need to instigate or problems you have to solve as you encounter them.

ENERGETIC PRACTICES FOR YOUR WEDDING DAY.

Keep the day personal.

If you are someone who loves design, DIY projects, or planning, then this advice is for you. Be mindful of the details you pull into your day. Choose things that represent aspects of your relationship or community whose energy you want to call upon during your celebration. Make each detail count, and simplify your decor plan so that those details really do stand out to you and your guests. Forgo the extra bells and whistles that you will overlook in the whirlwind of the party. Trust us: It’s easy to get stuck in the world of Pinterest aspiration, amassing decor ideas and projects that pile up quickly. We find that projects of this nature are often low priority, adding stress to your planning process when they are not completed; they require high energy input, meaning that you invest a lot of time into the creation of a one-time-use item; and they take up space in your life, physically hanging around your home until they are used, requiring someone to be in charge of installing and uninstalling them on the day of your celebration, and returning to your home following the celebration until they find their next purpose. So our best advice when it comes to decorating and details for your celebration is to keep it personal so that each chosen item has a positive impact on your day.

Prioritize yourself, then your guests and hosting.

When we see a couple sweating things on the day of their marriage, it’s often because the concerns of their family, friends, or guests have impeded their ability to focus on what is most important to them. They’ve become wound up in externally-focused priorities and feel pulled away from the people and things they want to spend their time on. When you’re putting together your timeline, we encourage you to focus on keeping the day personal. What does that mean? That means choosing to spend your energy on the things that matter most to you; being mindful of who you spend time with before walking down the aisle; letting go of ideas or activities that benefit others and not yourself; and delegating lower priority tasks to the MVPs who are eager to help make things happen for you. Make you and your partner’s experience the priority and build your day around that.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

In the last few months before your celebration, practice letting go of the little things. It is heartbreaking to watch someone stress over garlands when the focus of the day is meant to be on celebrating your love. We promise: your coordination team is here to prioritize the to-do's and shuffle things as needed to ensure the day comes together smoothly. Not everything will go to plan, but most things will. Communicating your priorities to your team and reaffirming them for yourself is a key part of enjoying your day. We recommend writing out your values somewhere that both you and your coordination team can refer to on a regular basis. Create a communication plan with your coordinator that will work to keep you focused and calm on your wedding day. If you are the type of person who wants to stay cued into the small changes as they happen so that you can remain physically settled, express that need to your coordinator so they can communicate in a way that works for you. If you are the type of person who prioritizes moving through the day uninterrupted, then let your coordinator know so they can continue octopussing in the background on your behalf. With a communication plan in hand, give yourself permission to begin letting go of the little things.

Ignore "the rules.”

In the wedding world, we recommend that you take all advice with a grain of salt. Certainly, there are best practices that stem from experience. It’s important to try that kind of advice on and see if it works for you, since it may save you time and energy. But there is also advice that comes from the place of tradition/the way it’s been in the past/unwritten wedding rules. Any time advice comes in the form of rules and expectations, we invite you to put a heavy filter on it. You are unique, your partnership is unique, and your celebration is unique. Anything or anyone that tries to put you in a box because it’s a familiar box to THEM isn’t looking out for YOUR needs and values; they are just leaning on a familiar archetype to make a contribution. It comes from a good place, but it isn’t always serving an energetically clear purpose. That is not to say that you should wipe out tradition altogether. Some boxes that you are presented with may feel like a fit and, if that’s the case, incorporate them. But do not get caught up in obligation and rules and let them box you into one style of celebration. When it serves you, give yourself permission to ignore the rules and forge your own path.

Make your marriage the priority.

In the act of hosting a celebration, it’s easy to get distracted from the main focus of the day: your marriage. It’s okay if that happens. In fact, it’s probably going to happen more than once. Just remember that, if you start to feel overwhelmed or distracted in the lead up to your celebration, it’s likely due to concerns around hosting your guests. When that happens, come back to the purpose of your party and use your values system to guide you through the decisions you need to make. Give yourself permission to shift your focus from guest to self when you need to.

LOGISTICAL PRACTICES FOR YOUR WEDDING.

Prepare (your packs, your bags, your outfits).

You’d be surprised what a kerfuffle it can be to move from place to place on your wedding day. It’s easy for bits and pieces to get left behind and takes a lot of time to double-triple check that you have everything you need. If you can, we recommend that at least one of you get ready in the place where you will be spending your wedding night. That requires minimal stress and attention be spent on having all your things out of one place and into the next. If that isn’t in the game plan, then we recommend packing two bags: one bag with all your wedding essentials (dress, accessories, vows, etc.) and another bag with your non wedding essentials (rehearsal outfit, pajamas, toothbrush, etc.). Your wedding essentials bag should be easy to sort through and see; your non wedding essentials should be the catch all for everything else. If you’re working with the two bag system, we highly encourage you to pair it with our next recommendation.

Designate a personal assistant for the day (often a member of your bridal party) to help you take care of YOU. 

A personal assistant? Say what? While this recommendation may sound a bit extra, it can be a marriage day mindset life saver. If you are changing locations, if you have multiple outfits, if you have bags that need to move from place to place, then you need a trusty friend to make sure the whirlwind of wedding things travels along with you. Your coordination team is there to manage your team and make sure your event runs smoothly and, while we use our spare moments to visit you and help with some personal management tasks, it is not our primary focus. You may be perfectly organized and responsible in your day-to-day life, but the last thing you want to do on your wedding day is to focus on little things. You want to be focused on people and your partner. The fewer tentacles you feel like you’re actively in charge of managing – including your personal items and care – the more you’ll get to physically and emotionally occupy each moment of your celebration. So take “things” off your tracking radar and insert a trusty friend to assist you in smoothly moving through your day.

Discuss when and where to be flexible.

There are some adaptations that your coordinator may need to make on your behalf the day of your celebration. We recommend discussing these topics in advance of your celebration so that, when the time comes, your coordinator can make calls on your behalf while you enjoy your celebration uninterrupted. Some of the adaptations that may crop up include:

• The option to add more hours of services, particularly from your photographer or videographer, if the timeline of the day runs longer than planned. Discuss the overage hour policies of each of your key vendors together and decide how you’d like to proceed if your event runs later than anticipated or if you would like to extend coverage to capture key moments.

• The need to interrupt or speed the day up to get back on track. You may have a strict venue end time, or may prioritize keeping your services within the contracted number of hours, in which case sticking to your timeline as planned is key. Discuss which activities in the day are most important, and which activities are acceptable to cut short in order to stay on schedule. Also chat about which guests are key to have present at different parts of the event, especially in the event of people running late and affecting the start time of different activities.

• The desire to be pulled away from or out of certain situations. You may have a particularly talkative member of the family who you don’t want monopolizing your time, you may be terrible at transitioning out of conversations, or you may have particular relationships that you don’t want to spend a lot of time with. These are all okay feelings to have. Discuss those situations with your coordinator and either develop a code-phrase or hand gesture to let them know you’d like to be transitioned out of that situation. 

How are items cleaned up? Getting home?

The wrap-up can be the trickiest part of the party. Departing your shindig gracefully takes forethought and preparation. Anything that you brought into your space has to make an exit, and anything you moved out of place has to return to its original location. If you have a coordinator, their job is to oversee the operation and organize this process to make it as smooth as possible. If you have a hired catering company, it will sometimes be a part of their contract to help you clean up and prepare rentals for return or pick-up. That’s a HUGE win. If that isn’t a part of your contract, you might ask your venue if they have an end of night cleaning service they can refer you to hire to lighten the load. Be clear about what condition items have to be in for return or pick-up. Between you (and your coordinator, if you have one on board), create a list of who is in charge of making sure which items exit the venue successfully. Don’t forget to account for any special decor, favors, gifts, and personal items. Everything that comes in must also come out and is likely to land in your home after the event.

Who is the hand-off steward at the end of the night?

If your party is rocking late into the night, chances are that your coordinator won’t be there for the final wrap up. About half of our celebrations – from vacation getaways to venues with overnight rentals – fall under this category. No need to stop the party on our account! Plus, we don’t want to hover unnecessarily while you get your groove on or share intimate moments by the campfire. If you are pushing late past dessert hour, designate someone as the local hand-off steward. Most often this is a friend or family member who can be relied upon to stay present for the late night festivities – someone who skillfully balances responsibility in a party environment. This person facilitates closing down the space when the time comes, checking out any remaining vendors along the way. This person will take final notes from the coordinator and be the bridge that gets the main event through the late night shenanigans smoothly, holding on to the big tasks until the group clean-up effort the day following.

Plan to repurpose or recycle.

Wedding waste is Tapestry’s public enemy #1. Maybe that’s a bit of verbal hyperbole, but residual waste from a one-time event is a sad outcome, both for the home(s) that need to store it temporarily and for the planet that carries it permanently. The last few months of planning are where we most often see the extra decor items start to accumulate, and those are the items that are hardest to bear sustainably. Whenever possible, rent items instead of purchasing them. Verify that your space has recycling and/or compost so that any one-time use items have a place to land where they will be properly processed. Consider going the extra mile by having your recycling or compost driven to the nearest plant when that service isn’t offered by the venue. When an idea requires a lot of component pieces, pause and ask yourself whether you will reuse them in the future, or whether the idea has a place in your home after the event. With each purchase you make, be sure to check in with the purpose and let that conversation guide you towards a more sustainable event.

PRACTICES THAT ARE A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.

Create room to breathe.

Early on in our careers, we worked with a lot of couples who wanted six- or eight-hour timelines packed to the gills with activities. There was very little room for buffer or adaptation and, when the day rolled out, these couples felt the pinch of timeliness throughout their celebration. Simply put: Humans aren’t perfect, things don’t go perfectly to plan, and you need room to adapt while maintaining your calm, present energy. Being rushed is not a fun feeling, and it’s certainly not the feeling you want to be focused on. If you’re a couple who wants to do the most during your celebration, consider giving yourselves the room to do so. We work with a lot of couples today who choose a multi-day format for their celebration with a variety of activities for their guests to connect over, giving themselves adequate time and space to enjoy each moment of their celebration weekend. On the other hand, if you’re a couple who wants a one-day shebang with a chill ride down the aisle, then streamline your list of time-bound activities (like specific photographs, ceremonial dessert service, or announced activities); give yourselves ample rental time to let the day unfold (10+ hours or an all day package at your venue); and layer lots of pauses in the timeline to ground down and take it all in.

Practice self-care. 

Seriously, you have to approach self-care on your wedding day with intention. It’s a one-time event and a lot of personal care details can slip through the cracks. Things that we often see couples forget to do:

• Eat.

• Hydrate.

• Take a moment for themselves.

• Take a moment with each other.

• Emotionally arrive at their ceremony.

• Enjoy their appetizers.

• Finish a drink.

• Share more than a first dance.

If you don’t make it a priority, it won’t happen. So make sure that you’re waking up, arriving into your day, connecting with the people and details that matter to you, taking time when you need it, and making space where you need it. Some of our favorite self-care wedding day practices include a guided meditation or yoga practice in the morning; catered breakfast while you get ready; a private reading of your partner’s vows or a private letter to help you arrive in the purpose of the day; a first look before the ceremony for personal connection time together; a deep, united breath at the start of your ceremony to settle your body; a plate of appetizers and food items set aside in a private room to make sure you get a taste of everything you want; a friend in charge of hydration and another friend in charge of celebratory drinks; and a person to guide you through the events of the day so you can live in the experience.

While this was one big-ass article, we are thankful for you taking the time to skim or dive deep with us. We have found that each of these ideas have become tenants of building couples’ timelines, informing how they want to spend the week before, and so helpful for the folks who want their values to be at the forefront of their celebration.

— Kate, Creative Director of Tapestry Event Co.