We love intimate weddings at Tapestry because of the special details couples can bring into their celebration and the community that is formed through the shared experiences. With the ever growing popularity of intimate weddings, we decided to collect a few tips from our experiences for planning an intimate wedding reception.

1. THINK ABOUT IT LIKE A WEDDING.

We say this with all the love and affection we can: The word “intimate” does not make it an un-wedding. With all the shades of grey between an elopement, an intimate wedding, and a wedding, it’s easy to hope for the best of both worlds when throwing an intimate wedding. In our experience, we find that the mindfulness required when hosting other people can sneak up on couples. Just because your guest list is on the smaller side doesn’t mean that there aren’t factors you need to consider in order to keep them comfortable. Often, those factors exist outside of your experience as a couple. They include things like food, facilities, staffing, and entertainment. So if you want an experience that is truly built for the two of you, elope without guests! But if you plan to have any number of guests at your intimate affair, consider what it will take to give them a comfortable, meaningful experience.

Here are some resources to get you started!

2. BE CLEAR ABOUT WHO SHOULD BE WHERE + WHEN.

When the word wedding is involved, people like to know where they’re supposed to be and when. Whether you have a website, an invite, or an email list, provide the key information on travel, accommodations, and schedule to your guests. To some, it may sound a bit “extra” to make a website or plan out communication for an intimate-sized celebration. But if the information doesn’t exist somewhere external to your brains, your guests will be communicating with you repeatedly to get the same or similar information about your event. Take proactive measures to communicate these key aspects of your celebration and you will save you a lot of time and energy in the long term.

3. GIVE SOME GUIDANCE ON THE DRESS CODE.

People LOVE planning their outfits for weddings. Can you blame ‘em? Who doesn’t love a reason to plan on wearing some sweet duds among loved ones? Fun fact: we spend anywhere between 30 and 70 minutes with our couples talking about what other people are going to wear on their wedding day. It’s a real thing, especially for smaller groups where everyone has more visibility at the party. Knowing that there will be inevitable interest in dress code, we recommend having one outlined on your website FAQs or ready to copy and paste from your phone. While we love a good “wear what you want!” spirit, your guests will thrive in just a pinch more guidance than that. You can break it down by dress code and/or color and pattern. For the latter, our favorite advice is to provide the wedding color palette — balancing signature hues with complimentary neutrals — and let your guests shop their hearts out with that as their foundational inspiration.

4. WARM EVERYONE UP.

With a smaller group, there are less people to bounce around with conversationally. At an intimate wedding, it’s important to warm everyone up so that they don’t stick to their existing social pods for the entirety of the evening. This could look like a welcome mixer the day before where you and your partner can spend time introducing people and forming new bonds. It could also look like opening the bar or a grazing table before the ceremony to provide a social activity before the main event begins. It could also look like having games or outdoor activities before or during the celebration to give people something to interact with and socially bond. Whatever it looks like for you, make sure you create an opportunity to intermix your loved ones and give them the opportunity to create new bonds as a result of your intimate wedding weekend.

5. LET THE FOOD DO THE TALKING.

When it comes to an intimate dinner, the food can definitely do the talking. If you are gathering a table of less than 30 people for dinner, think about curating the meal as an intentional part of the evening’s experience. That means both food and food service are aligned with the guest experience you want to curate. If your theme is fun, bring in food trucks, fun appetizers, and colorful drinks. You might provide a more casual dining experience with many tables sprinkled around your space, self-service, and DIY table bussing so people can dabble in food when and where they want. If your theme is intimate bonding, share a family-style or plated meal, multiple courses, and some warm fuzzy drinks. Invite everyone to dine at the same time, the same or a grouping of tables, and create unifying moments to share the group’s attention and energy (more to come on that shortly).

6. CREATE UNIFYING MOMENTS.

Large weddings have the benefit of hosting enough people, both people that already know each other and people that are new to each other, that most guests can rotate around the party for 4-6 hours and navigate the social scene successfully. Smaller affairs can vary in that success. If most of the guests already know one another, then chances are they can mingle quite well for upwards of 4 hours. But families come in all shapes, sizes, and variants of social awkwardness. Even with friends added to the mix, you may not have the right group of people to support a socially successful intimate affair. That’s where social lubricant in the form of unifying moments comes into play. Unifying moments -- traditionally the ceremony, toasts, and dances -- are moments where guests can pause socializing and enjoy a shared experience with their attention on a third party. They serve to bring people together and give them something in common as they continue to bond throughout the event. Some more modern takes on unifying moments include quizzes and storytelling prompts, artists and performers, catering experiences that share the origin of each dish, and rituals significant to the couple. Be sure to have a few unifying moments throughout the evening schedule to break up the social energy and give your guests shared experiences to bond over.

7. ENCOURAGE MOVEMENT + INTERACTION.

When your intimate group is not engaged in unifying moments, give them freedom to move and interact with their surroundings. A more traditional take on some examples include signing a guest book, jumping in a photo booth with props, playing a game of cornhole, refreshing a drink at the bar, or getting down on a dance floor. A more modern take on some examples include competitive lawn games like giant Jenga, ping pong, croquet, or Connect Four; table games like wedding Mad Libs or couple trivia; moments for your inner child like a pinata smash, water slides, drink tasting bar, and late night snackies with lots of sauces; dapper stations like make-your-own-flower-crown or henna tattoos; or late night wind downs like a movie on the lawn or cuddling up by a campfire. All of these activities give your guests opportunities to refresh their attention, change up the group of people that they are interacting with, and increase the longevity of their attendance at the event through consistently refreshed brain activity. 

8. MAKE A PLAYLIST WITH EVERYONE PRESENT IN MIND.

Think about the role you want music to play at your celebration. If you want an experience with a bit of curation and direction, we recommend hiring a DJ/MC that fits the bill who can guide you through the process and take charge on the day. You can also designate a friend or family member to run the music and announcements for the duration of your party, just be mindful that it can be a big ask if you also want that person to enjoy the party. When putting together the musical end of your experience, be mindful of who is present and what activities you are including. If you are curating your own playlists, create one for the ceremony, one for the social interaction span of the day, one for dinner, and one for the after-dinner activities. Keep in mind who will be attending and, while you shouldn’t completely cater your playlist to others, it can be fun to throw Uncle Jerry a bone by slipping a jam he enjoys into the mix.

9. ADD A SURPRISE! 

Who doesn’t love surprises?! Big or small, a surprise is always the perfect thing to spice up the energy and inject new life into a party. Whether it’s a scientific take on cocktail presentation, fireworks after sunset, a surprise specialty dessert bar, or special outdoor lighting after dark, we HIGHLY recommend adding a touch of surprise and wonder to your plans to keep your guests celebrating with you to the end.

— Kate, Tapestry Creative Director + Founder