Couples getting married in 2020 and 2021 have a challenge in front of them: how to create excitement around their wedding launch when gatherings are still unsafe. One of the elements of wedding culture that many of our wedding clients look forward to are the secondary events that build anticipation. Whether you’re hosting more traditional events aligned with your culture or your social circles, or more nontraditional events of your own design, getting your community involved in the celebration of your marriage is a big part of building excitement for your next chapter. As we’ve seen in the last year, when those events are not possible, it’s easy and normal to feel like there is something missing from your launch to married life.

We believe it’s important to find ways to invoke and rally your community around the next steps into marriage. We aren’t quite out of the pandemic woods yet and, while we are happy to wait to gather until it is safe to do so, we want to offer some ideas for how you can build excitement within and draw support from your community of family and friends starting today. We are offering ideas for the events we see most popular among our couples and hope that the foundational ideas can be adapted to suit your own cultures and traditions in celebration. Some of these ideas may even inspire you to shift or revitalize traditions so they feel more like your own.

CREATE A TOAST ALBUM.

This idea is optimal for introverts, those whose love language is “words of affirmation”, or couples who want to hear from many of their loved ones. Let’s break it down together. Most of the time, toasts are an unpredictable event at a wedding. When we ask our couples whether they want to have toasts, it’s very rarely an immediate “Yes!” or “No!” response. Often there is a discussion that follows with lots of nuances around who they do and/or do not want to speak and how much time can be allotted to each person. You may have very close friends and family members from whom you’d like to hear, but they may not be comfortable public speakers among large crowds. You may have a lot of people who want to speak on your behalf, but a limited amount of time available in the evening. There are a lot of factors and boundaries that come with live toasts.

We like the idea of giving people an opportunity to prepare and contribute their words of encouragement outside of a live toast format. Our adaptation is to make a toast album, a book of toasts from friends and family that you can treasure as a keepsake throughout your marriage.

The COVID-Safe Version: 

Who says you can’t have a year of toasts?! Especially if you are patiently postponing your wedding to a 2022 and beyond date. Harness the power of email communication to reach out to your loved ones and request a toast. You can use a pre-existing address book or online contact database you’ve compiled for your wedding to send your request. Here is some example copy you can adapt to make your request:

Subject: NAME + NAME's Virtual Toasts — A request for YOU!

Body: Hello NAME,

While we patiently await our ceremony and wedding celebration with you in YEAR, we don’t want to wait to begin hugging in our loved ones (virtually). We are collecting written toasts from family and friends via email that we can place in a keepsake album and read over the course of the next year. We are using this as an opportunity to connect deeply with each of our guests — to give you the virtual mic and cherish our relationship sans public speaking pressure.

We would love to have you write some thoughts about your relationship with us, about marriage, or about any memories or well wishes you have. It can be super short and doesn't have to be perfectly written. This is just something to bring your voice, your love, and your support into our (extended) lead-up to the big day. 

We love and appreciate you so much for the contribution you have been to our lives. We look forward to sharing the next chapter with you.

Well wishes,

NAME + NAME

The Live Event Version:

If you prefer to save your toasts and well wishes for the big day, then that is A-okay! For the introverts and extended family or friends, you can provide stationary or postcards to your guests to write their well wishes for an album at your wedding celebration. We encourage you to be mindful of the size of the stationary; you don’t want to cause a backed-up line of guests at the station who then opt out of participating due to the length of the line. You may also let guests know about the station in advance on your website, in your invitation, or via email so that they can prepare and print a letter to contribute prior. This allows you to gather up all the loving goodness of your guests at a big event, which is so valuable when you have a big celebration in mind and often not enough time to connect deeply with each wonderful attendee. No matter how you gather toasts and well wishes, you’ll be glad you have them to treasure in the years that follow your wedding day.

If you are looking for the perfect place to print and house these toasts from your friends and family, we recommend Stationed By Hand’s gorgeous handmade notebooks. Each one is hand bound, individually wrapped in fabric, and made with gorgeous thick paper. Shamese, the maker, is always refreshing the site with new designs and fabrics.

SEND WAVES OF FAVORS IN THE MAIL.

Some couples may have an extra six to eighteen months added to their event planning timeline, which means more time to save for your celebration and long-term goals. We by no means advocate adding to your wedding budget if it feels misaligned with your family goals. However, if you are open to the conversation of adding to your budget in light of an extended timeline, we would like to offer up the idea of sending waves of guest gifts in advance of the celebration. The purpose of this idea is to break your guest list up into waves of recipients and use this gift as an opportunity to express your shared gratitude for their love and support.

Before we lose you: these gifts by no means have to be lavish or expensive. A small, batch- printed card or photo of the two of you, paired with a small, surprise gift, is all you need. The card can simply note your appreciation for your guest’s ongoing love and support and express your excitement to celebrate with them; choose a message that is easy to apply to all your guests. Some of our favorite ideas for small and thoughtful (and mail-friendly) favors include:

Edible Items 

Your favorite couple of teas and a honey stick, custom cookies, or chocolates sends a little bit of sweetness from your home with your guest’s over the long pandemic distance.

Customized Home Goods

A matchbox, playing cards, a bottle opener, a candle, soap, or a koozie are each small yet practical items guests can have and appreciate in their home without the gift becoming intrusive or extra clutter. Think about something small you’d appreciate, and your guests will probably feel the same.

Wearables 

Fuzzy socks, an enamel pin, or a bandana or scarf are great ideas for wearable gifts. We love purchases in this category (and all the categories!) especially to support BIPOC-owned and small businesses.

Donation Matching

If you and your partner are already living together or have your homes up and running prior to marriage, consider using your registry and favors to support local nonprofits and charities. Pick a cause that is aligned with your family values and, on the card you send, mention the fund to which you’ve donated part of your wedding budget for your guests. If you want to make it a group effort, you can set up a group donation site online for your guests to donate towards, which can be done on some registries and on sites like GoFundMe. You can invite them to donate a set amount or offer to match up to a certain amount in donations. This is a great opportunity to pay the love and gratitude forward in a big way.

Tips for Organizing Your Favors

Break your guest list up into groups: bridal party, immediate/closest family, close friends, close family, other friends, and other family. You may already have a group or tier system for your invites in light of the pandemic, so use whatever structure groupings for you. We recommend mailing favors into monthly mailing groups either by category or into smaller chunks of 15-25% of your total guest list. This helps you spread out the love and gratitude practice over the course of a few months (and makes the project more joyful and less stressful).

HOST A VIRTUAL BACHELOR OR BACHELORETTE PARTY.

No — this is not your typical digital event, and it may be hard to imagine how these types of parties will be fun and engaging over the internet. Luckily, the pandemic prompted a few saavvy business people to develop services made exactly for this situation. One local to Seattle is Bassi’s Brides, which creates custom gift boxes designed to accompany digital events. They provide you with guidance on how to set up and host a successful digital event with activities and the accompanying supplies for each attendee. Bassi’s Brides will also work with you to create a custom gift and event experience that gives everyone invited something fun, special, and safe to look forward to.

If you prefer your event to be focused around a food or drink activity, many distilleries, wineries, and chocolatiers are hosting virtual tastings for groups. Local to Seattle, Theo’s Chocolates is offering virtual chocolate tasting classes to teach you and your crew all about our favorite sweet (and savory) treat. In Good Taste puts together tasting collections that they mail directly to your tribe, and offer to either host a digital tasting for you or give you the information to host your own tasting independent of their services. We encourage you to look locally for your favorite makers and mongers to find the experience that represents you as a couple.

We know it’s hard to stay buckled in for the rest of the pandemic. We know it can be a hard choice to do the thing that is safe above the thing that brings you joy. We applaud you for choosing safety above all else. We hope these ideas spur your creative solution to hosting wedding-related events. An event like this is not a compromise; it’s a gift to the humans who mean most to you. Putting together a quarantine activity may just be the injection of fun and purpose that can lift up the ones you love.

— Kate, Tapestry Creative Director