What an officiant actually does is an excellent question. I, for one, was under the impression the job of an officiant belonged only to someone of wisdom and high religious standing. I held this belief for years. Truth be told, it made me hesitant around the thought of marriage. Who was this person? Probably an old white dude, and let’s be honest, who is this guy to send me and my hubby off to our party and honey moon sexy times?  Whether for a vow renewal or brand new ceremony, we’ve got your questions answered.

WHAT DOES AN OFFICIANT ACTUALLY DO?

If you pop it into the Google, search results will tell you that we’re people who perform a religious service or ceremony. You might have also heard the term Celebrant — and asked a similar question about this person’s role. Guess what? It’s ultimately all the same. Google also told me that a celebrant is specifically, “a person who celebrates something,” which makes a lot of sense and still applies to any label you give the role. Officiating has a few pieces and parts, but truly…. that person’s job is to celebrate you two. Let’s break down how.

Leading up to the big day, your officiant should spend some time with you — getting to know you as individuals and as a couple if they don’t already know you. They will ask a number of questions. Each question is there to help them craft a ceremony that fits your needs and reflects your love. “When did you know?” “What’s the story of your proposal?” “Would you like anyone/anything acknowledged in this moment?” are a few of the questions you may hear.  

Your officiant is there to nudge you on your vow writing journey, if you so choose to write your own. Should your officiant wear the hat professionally, they may also offer guidance and feedback on your vows. If you opt into pre-written vows, your officiant will work with you both to ensure that the promises you exchange reflect who you are. 

With the experience of knowing you as a couple, and however much knowledge you choose to share, your officiant builds the words of your story and the promises that send you into your next chapter. There may be one draft, there may be many.

BUILDING YOUR MARRIAGE CEREMONY.

In crafting your ceremony, we take all of the details you share into consideration. Putting pen to paper, or fingers to keys, we also hold who you are together and separately in our hearts. This whole human and whole unit acknowledgment is part of why I choose to do this work, specifically with Tapestry. For me, I work to weave in themes that I hear from you when we talk, both about your unit and about the others in your life. They may not show up in the same exact story or memory for each of you, but a color or thread from one is always mirrored, echoed in another. Of course those moments that shine in your memory’s eye will be acknowledged. And at the same time, I will be working with you to make sure the words being spoken to the universe, the sharing of your story are representative of all your colors. Depending on who you are as a couple, this may mean a lot of co-creation, or not. Neither of those is right or wrong. Whichever way that falls, what’s most important is that the day belongs to you and yours and that these spoken words and promises reflect all you are.

DAY-OF DUTIES.

On the day-of, there are many roles your officiant can play, depending on your needs and the needs of your event. They will make sure vows land in the right person’s pocket for the ceremony and that the rings make it to the location and then to the ring bearer at the right time. They will hold space for all of your feels before the ceremony, and during. They probably even have an extra tissue handy just in case the person who ‘never’ cries, finds themselves shedding joyous tears. 

Your officiant’s other big job (albeit less fun than the ‘give your bride/groom/human some sugar’ part) is making things official. Alongside your coordinator, this person will help you check off the paperwork boxes on your marriage. Day-of, they’ll snag your autographs for your marriage license, send it to the appropriate county’s office to make your “I do’s” complete on paper. 

— Bri, Tapestry Officiant