Invest Wisely in Your Wedding: Why Budgeting For Your Marriage Day Matters
Money can be a tricky thing to talk about. If you’re planning any kind of marriage celebration, you likely have had a conversation where some funny feelings emerged when the topic of “money” or “price” came up in a conversation. SO NORMAL. It takes time, energy, and a clear values system to manage money in a manner that is aligned with your life. If you don’t have clarity on your own value system, then chances are you’ll experience decision-making wormholes when it comes to choosing investments. Enter a partner to the equation, and now you also need strong communication skills and empathic listening to create money management practices that align with both of your values and interests. We love using the wedding- and elopement-planning process as an opportunity to co-create the money mindset you and your partner want to establish in your marriage.
If you’re looking for a resource to tell you how much things are “supposed” to cost or what the “average” price point should be for a service, then you’ve come to the wrong place. We’re here to talk about budgeting, which has nothing to do with the outside world, and everything to do with what you value. Every market is going to have products and services at different price points to fit any budget. Finding a particular price for a service is almost never an issue; determining what you want to invest in is often the grey area. We’re here to help facilitate an ongoing conversation where you develop a money mindset with your partner that launches your marriage with the skills to talk about joint investments as a team. Sound like your cup of tea? Let’s dive in.
Setting a budget for your wedding or elopement is like setting a household budget. Don’t worry if you’re new to either of these scenarios; no one was born an expert, and many of us never had this lesson in school or in life. I’m here to walk you through it.
HOW TO SET A WEDDING BUDGET.
When you put together a budget for your household, you first need to look at all of your inbound resources. How much money do you and your partner bring into the household in a year? What are the streams of revenue and other resources you can rely on? The same applies to budgeting for your marriage celebration: take a tally of the inbound resources you can rely on that will help pay for your celebration. Consider not only the investment you and your partner are going to set aside, but also take a look at any contributions from friends or family members. These assets can be monetary contributions, time, skills, or physical goods. Write down the inbound resources you can rely on and want to incorporate into your vision. This pot of resources will be the family assets you have to contribute towards and invest in your wedding or elopement day.
Next, take a look at the shared values you created from The Engaged Couple’s Roadmap. These values will point you towards the most important way you can invest your resources. To get started, pick no more than three “highest values” and “priority investments” as a couple. Think about these like non-negotiable household expenses — they’re the rent or mortgage payment that you can’t skip, the groceries you need to survive, and the utility bills you pay to set yourself up for success (warm showers are important, y’all!). Why are your shared values considered a non-negotiable investment? Well, because they are the core of your event! They are your “why”, your reason for building an event of the size and style that you want, together.
Don’t quite see the relationship? No problem. We listed below some of the most common values we hear from our couples and the investments they correlate to.
Do you value new adventures and experiences? Then investing in travel and experts to help you navigate with ease will be high on your list.
Do you value quality time where family and friends get to bond and develop new relationships? Then a venue or retreat space will be your top investment.
Do you value a fun atmosphere where guests feel celebrated and appreciated? Then investing in creative entertainment features will be high on your list.
Do you value an easygoing pace and the experience of being present with all people and activities on your day? Then hiring professionals to take care of the “work” and hold you inside of the experience is a key investment to make.
Do you value good food and family fun? Then investing in a catered meal and inclusive activities will take precedence.
Do you value beautiful photos or video so that you can relive the experience? Then bump services like photographer and videographer, hair and make-up, florist, and outfit-related expenses to the top of the list.
Do you value supporting local artists or underrepresented communities? Then hire humans who represent those interests. Consider BIPOC- or women-owned businesses, LGBTQ+ friendly operations, artisans with a political stance, and hiring local.
MUST-HAVE ITEMS GO FIRST.
Once you have your top three non-negotiable investments prioritized, turn your attention to investments that make the experience “work”. These are the investments that make for a successful and complete event. If you are working with a planner, this human is going to be massively helpful in lending their expertise to make sure your event’s logistical bases are covered. Here are a few examples of investments-that-make-it-work based on the kind of event you’re considering:
For outdoor adventures, you need to invest in the proper safety equipment, gear appropriate to the terrain, sustenance, and the appropriate permits.
For weekend-long destination events, you need to invest in providing over half the meals for your attendees, procuring (and sometimes paying for) lodging for part of all of the group, basic equipment rentals if activities have an outdoor component, and travel guidance and recommendations.
For weddings over 30 people, you need to invest in a good meal, an appropriate space with proportional facilities, rental accommodations to provide a basic standard of comfort and hospitality, and a source of entertainment to bond the group.
The parallel to your household budget would be items like savings account contributions or retirement investments, travel funds, or debt repayment. Are they terribly sexy? Not really. But do they lend a baseline level of care and security to ensure that the experience of life feels supported and safe? They sure do. Based on your style of event, make a list of the investments-that-make-it-work. Taking care of these un-sexy necessities is what leaves you and any guests free to enjoy the investments you’ve made in what you value most: your priority “non-negotiable” investments.
Photos courtesy of Kelly Lemon Photography
VALUED ELEMENTS GO NEXT.
Finally, take a look at the individual values each of you wrote down that didn’t exactly overlap with your non-negotiables or make-it-work investments. These are things that each of you treasure about the experience that are unique to you. Think about these as investments that help you thrive. If you were to relate them to household expenses, they would be line items like ride-shares or paid parking, fitness memberships or self-care practices, bar tabs or wine-of-the-month club subscriptions (I could go on for awhile, so I’ll cut myself off here). Would they elevate your experience? For sure. Would you thrive with their inclusion? Most certainly. If you’re running low on budget and still want to include them, do you need to break the bank for them? Most certainly not. Strike a balance of alternating in what makes each of you thrive while balancing it against the resources you have in the remainder of your budget.
I see most couples get stuck when they try to prioritize thrive investments above make-it-work investments. Trust me; I get it. My gut instinct will always tell me that a yoga studio membership is more important than repaying my grad school loans. When I go to the yoga studio, I get an immediate source of satisfaction, fulfill on self-care, interact with beautiful people (inside and out), and have fun. Who doesn’t want more of that? But if I neglect to take care of repaying my student loans, it won’t be long until my stress levels rise and the rest of my life no longer works. So while the studio membership calls to my heart, my head knows to prioritize what makes life work first.
Once you’ve co-created a money mindset that has a clear set of shared priorities, a sense of responsibility for the things that make it work, and the skills to communicate and find solutions for the things that help you thrive, then the road map for your investments becomes very clear. You’ll start to see a natural alignment between the event you want to host and your values as a couple. Tackle your investments with non-negotiable shared values at the center, make-it-work reinforcements to hold the experience, and thrive factors to complete the picture. My hope is that, by practicing these skills for your wedding or elopement, you strengthen the budgeting muscles, money mindset, and communication skills to move into marriage able to financially author the life you want together.
— Kate, Tapestry Creative Director