How to Get Centered Before Writing Your Vows

Tapestry loves ceremony. Our favorite words are intentional and mindful. We love a good purpose to drive our decisions and make each second and moment meaningful to you. One way you can make sure that your celebration is full of your personal touch and shaped by your love story is writing your own vows. But it’s not always as easy as saying it. Writing openly and honestly from the heart can be scary and a little intimidating. It could also be something that comes easily to you, but you have a hard time clearing your head to focus on the feelings and the words. To help you feel more confident and in tune with your wonderful, badass, and in-love self, we offer you a mindfulness exercise and some tips to get you in the right headspace.

A woman and man holding hands and walking towards the edge of a cliff that looks over a river and epic mountains. She is blond in a blue dress and a flower crown. He is wearing boots, tan pants, and a white button down shirt.

SET YOUR SPACE.

Find a place where you feel safe, comfortable, and focused. Pick a time of day where you can set aside the rest of the world and clear the clutter without interruption. We invite you to put your phone just out of reach (and on silent) and grab pen and paper. Light a candle. Pour a mug or glass of your preferred beverage. Put headphones on so as not to be disturbed.

Let’s get to thinking about marriage to your boo.

A man and a woman embracing and looking into each other’s eyes in front of a grand vista of a river and mountains. She is blond, wearing a flower crown and long-sleeved pale pink dress. He has brown hair with a beard, green pants, and a white shirt.

THE MINDFULNESS EXERCISE

Getting centered before writing your vows is all about taking a few minutes to be in your body and to let the feelings you have for your partner flood your nervous system. One of our favorite ways to enter into a reflective and emotionally vulnerable mindset is to do a mindfulness meditation.

You can listen to the meditation here, or read it for yourself with the script below.

[insert audio link]

Start by closing your eyes. Bring your attention to your body, your heart, your lungs, through your core to your feet. Sit in that awareness.

Think about where you are sitting and travel down. Down through the chair, to the floor, through foundations, and into the earth. Like the roots of a tree, let your awareness of your body and space ground you into the earth.

Now, think of your partner. Who they were when you first met. Who you were. Notice what happens in your body when you think of them. What parts of your body hold the most reaction?

What would they say if they could speak to you? What would you say to them?

Now, turn your attention in your mind back to your partner. Who are they today? What changes have happened?

Who are you today? What changes have happened?

Notice your body as you ruminate. Do any parts tense up? Are any parts holding more emotion than others?

What are they trying to say with that emotion?

Sit and notice your body changing as you think about your relationship’s journey.

We are going to turn our attention one last time back to our minds. Think of marriage with your partner. Notice what your body does. What feelings come up?

Let those flood your senses. Feel them wash over you.

Now, pull your attention to your fingertips. Now to your toes. Think about how they are connected deep to those roots in the earth.

Now pull your attention to your core. Focus on the love you feel for your partner. Let that wash over you as you pull your attention back to an awareness of the room and slowly open your eyes.

A close-up portrait of a man and a woman from mid-chest up, looking into each other’s eyes. Her blond hair is blowing in the wind, and she’s wearing a pale pink dress. He is wearing a white shirt and is bearded.

FURTHER PROMPTS TO GUIDE YOUR VOWS.

1. Think about your relationship and your experiences together. Take a moment to review photos from your relationship over the years.

2. Envision the future you want to have together. How do you feel when you think about that? What big life events does that future include?

3. How has your partner influenced your life and choices? How have you influenced theirs?

4. Imagine yourself on your wedding day. What are the feelings that come up?

5. If you could only tell your partner one thing about how you feel about them, what would it be?

Photos courtesy of The Big Day. — *Photos courtesy of* *The Big Day*.

These reflections and meditations are just a starting point to the adventure that is writing your own vows. We believe that having conversations with your partner about the promises you want to make in your vows is key to feeling grounded in your ceremony. If you are looking for some guidance on how to start those conversations and put those reflections all together, we invite you to check out our Vow Writing Workshop. This guide offers advice on how to approach writing your vows, what kinds of conversations you can have as a couple to ensure your promises are aligned in the important ways, and how to add creativity and personality that rings authentic to you.