How to Emotionally Prepare for Your Wedding Day
Preparing for your wedding day is what wedding planning is all about — at least, logistically. Sometimes couples can get so wrapped up in the details of the party that they feel unprepared emotionally when the day of their wedding comes. Each celebration is unique due to the cast of characters contributing and participating, the values you’ve rooted your event in, and the story of you as a couple. But something that tends to be the same throughout all weddings is the feeling of overwhelm… in the best possible way. Choosing to marry someone is a BIG DEAL. It’s a decision that impacts your life and transforms your solo journey into one of unity and partnership.
Many of our couples have been together for a while before getting married and already feel deeply bonded. We love that because many of them say, before getting married, that they feel married already. But in hindsight, they comment that there’s a marked difference between the before and after. Couples build symbolic value into the way they spend the day together. They often share their full and true feelings for one another; it is rare to have the opportunity to do so in day-to-day life, let alone co-authoring a day specifically built for that open and vulnerable purpose. With all the intentional energy and decision-making injected into the day, the experience of getting married often serves to transition a partnership into certain and deepened commitment. Some feel a solidification of their future with the sacred space created to promise their devotion and faith in one another. While some couples see it as an affirmation of their feelings, many look back on it as a milestone that launched a fuller sense of living in and leaning into partnership. Many of our couples end up fulfilling a shared goal the year after their wedding--buying a house, adopting a pet, taking a long-awaited bucket list trip--and we don’t think that happens by accident.
Going through that transformation with friends and family can be a lot to process! Especially when you have preconceived notions about the day and end up realizing deeper and richer feelings as the experience unfolds. Our hope is that these tips open you up to the depth of feelings you could encounter. So we want to give you some reminders to prepare yourself before and during the day.
PREPARING BEFORE YOUR WEDDING.
Make space to spend a solid amount of time to write and recite your vows.
Nothing gets you into the lovey-dovey mood of your wedding day like reading your vows. Anticipating your partner’s face as you say those sacred words is always so exciting. Let yourself sink into all the emotions that come up, be it excitement, reflection, a little nervousness, or a big fat smile. Practicing also takes some of the pressure off of the day-of recitation. When the words are in your bones, it’s easy to get them out into the open alongside the tears, laughter, and smiles that will come out with them. Some people find starting their vows difficult. If you need a little support or prompting, check out our Vow Writing Workshop.
Are you a person stressed about the logistics?
Take a look at your complete task list for wedding planning and appreciate each mark you have made. Be intentional about each mark you have yet to make and don’t be afraid to delegate. Give yourself a twenty minute dance break to celebrate that wedding planning is almost through and you have DONE it. It’s a big deal. Whether you did it on your own or with a team supporting you, the emotional labor of those decisions can put you and your partner through the ringer. Express thanks for the journey and celebrate that it is almost done.
Schedule one or two date nights the two weeks before your wedding for just the two of you.
This will keep you grounded, connected, and able to support each other as family and friends start arriving. During these dates, take a walk down memory lane and reflect on your relationship with your beloved. Discuss the trials you have overcome, your favorite memories, and the future you are excited to create together. Focusing on the ceremonial purpose of the day will help you both feel ready to take on the whole shebang.
Imagine the worst case scenarios.
Okay, we know this sounds crazy and un-idyllic. But sometimes, thinking about the reasonable worst case scenarios that can happen during your wedding day can help you know that you are prepared no matter what happens. You and your boo should talk out any of the anxieties you have together so that if they come to light, you can support one another through them in the best way. Also hold space to acknowledge the small fears and silly details; discussing them with your partner is the best thing to help you keep it all in perspective.
Repeat your boundaries to yourself!
It can be INCREDIBLY challenging to uphold boundaries with family and friends from out of town. We get it: They’re traveling to come delight in your day, and you want to make the effort worth their while by giving them quality time while they’re in town. HOWEVER, it’s important to remember that your loved ones are opting in to attend your celebration and that, no matter how you typically host, they are not entitled to any additional time with you and you are not beholden to their expectations. This is a special event happening once in your life and it’s important that you show up with the energy you want to share with your partner on the big day. In order to prevent loved ones siphoning your positive spirit and depleting your bandwidth, talk with your partner about establishing boundaries on your time and space before loved ones arrive. Talk about how you can help each other uphold those boundaries when your inner energy gremlins start pestering you to compromise. Talk about the non-negotiables you have for the days before and after your celebration and create a game plan to make sure you uphold those expectations for one another.
Build a hosting + supporting team.
If guests are a part of your day, think about Tapestry or your planning service as the general manager of the event. We show up on site, check in with all parties for last minute details, then get to work on constructing your day. We check in your vendors, assist with set-up, adapt the plan as new information arrives, and keep as much off your radar as possible. We check in with you periodically and minimally so you can enjoy the getting ready process, then we or your photography team (in coordination with us) will come gather you when it's time to get dressed and take the scheduled festivities outside. Trust our lead; we got you.
Because we are busy architecting your event when there are guests involved, we do not have as much time to act as personal assistant to your needs. We recommend assigning 1-2 friends or family members to help you stay personally organized and grounded on your celebration day. That ensures you have the emotional support you need throughout the day, while also staying removed from the logistics that rest in our capable hands.
Remind yourself of your celebration values.
What are your main focuses throughout the day and in throwing your wedding? Reflect on how you have shaped those into being and how you’d like to spend your day to make sure they are your focus.
PREPARING THE DAY OF
Take some time in the morning for you!
What do you do to zen out and connect with yourself? Read a book? Journal? Yoga? Meditation? Drink coffee outside? Whatever it is, build time into your morning to do that for yourself so that you feel ready for the onslaught of happy emotions coming your way. Check in and ground down with your individual self before getting swept away into activities with your loved ones. :)
Bring your packing list.
So much happens on the big day that having a list to make sure your personal and important items make it from location to location is key. Set them aside in a special box, keep a list, and/or put someone in charge you trust so you can feel confident you have everything you need for each stage of the day.
Think about building thirty minutes into your day for just you and your partner.
Many of our couples take time between the ceremony and the reception to sign the marriage licenses and take some deep breaths before interacting with the fam. This is also free time to make out with your new marital spouse without the prying eyes of guests. ;)
Be intentional about who is in the room with you the morning of (e.g. your partner, your leading ladies, your family).
Be clear and exclusive about the kind of support you want and who will call that in and protect it. Don’t be afraid to draw boundaries around who is not welcome, or limiting time spent with unwelcome energy. The execution of the boundaries piece above.
Bonus suggestion: Many of our elopement couples speak to the gift of having their wedding morning with their partner to ground themselves and feel on the same team before the festivities begin. Though many of our wedding couples wait to see each other until they are all dolled up, we want to suggest this practice as a way to support each other and share the time before your beautiful moment.
Eat! And hydrate!
So important for an even keel of energy. Plus the day flies and you often forget or lose your appetite, so take advantage of the morning meal and make sure you have someone (planner, caterer, bridal party member) bringing you food and drink on a regular basis. Our favorite backup plan: arrange for the caterers to set aside leftover meals that you can take home or on your mini-moon with you. It’s much easier to eat in the late night afterglow without everyone watching you. ;)
Take all the deep breaths.
Each deep breath is a moment to get present and really stand in your shoes. The more deep breaths you take, the more present you will be with your partner and the moment, and the deeper moments will sink in. Use your breath as access to enjoy as many moments as you can. The day goes too quickly.
Photos courtesy of Cassie Anna Photo + Film.
We hope that as your marriage celebration approaches, you are able to let yourself feel all the feels and open yourself up to this beautiful transition. While your individuality will be upheld, you become part of a new family and legacy that is all you and your partner’s own. We think that’s beautiful and wish you the best of what the future brings.
— Kelleen, Tapestry Content Manager