How to Manage Overwhelm in the Planning Process

Cognitive processing of overarching concepts, small details, timelines, and coordinated communication works differently for everyone. At Tapestry Event Co., we encounter all varieties of abilities, strengths, and weaknesses in conceptualizing, communicating, and processing. Our goal is always to help couples equally opt into the planning process, so we often have to adjust how we present information or how we introduce and break down tasks from couple to couple. We want to write a blog for people who tend to disengage from planning their wedding or elopement because they are overwhelmed by the immensity of the task. We find that if the beginning to end process is unclear or there are too many options, some people can’t or don’t feel capable of energetically investing in their planning experience.

For that reason, we want to demystify the process and outline tips on how to make wedding or elopement planning approachable and not overwhelming. Up front, pretty much all of our tips revolve around having a competent and sensitive planner or coordinator guide you through the decisions you have to make. That being said, we will outline why we feel that is important and what exactly they are taking off your plate when you hire them.

WAYS TO AVOID OVERWHELM WHILE PLANNING

ACKNOWLEDGE THE LOGISTICAL COMPLEXITY OF PLANNING A WEDDING OR ELOPEMENT.

Planning events with vendors is way more work than throwing a simple get together. While the purposes may be similar (quality time spent together), the more people you add to the mix (officiant, florist, caterer, venue, staffing, bartender, etc.), the more people you have to manage. We want to make clear the logistical responsibilities that are included in planning most weddings and elopements so that you understand what type of labor is involved in the process.

Elopements:

• Route planning, weather checking, emergency plans if conditions are bad

• Researching and obtaining proper permits

• Coordinating vendor supplies pickups or arrivals on site (hair and makeup, photographer, florist, caterer, rentals, etc.)

• Making sure everyone has appropriate gear, snacks, water, vehicles, route awareness, and outdoor essentials

Weddings:

• Venue availability, coordination, floorplan mapping, and set up schedule for vendors before the event

• Coordinating set up and tear down of ceremony and reception

• Coordinating all sorts of different vendor teams to work together seamlessly, making sure each person is in the right place, performing the job they are supposed to do

Both:

• Guest management, communication, accommodations, transportation, and experience

• Payment schedules for each vendor

• Managing your VIP team of friends and family members who want to help you out on the day and before the celebration

Solutions

• Acknowledge that the tasks above are WORK. A planner or a coordinator is a whole job for a reason. Smoothly pulling off an event requires forethought, excellent communication, and lots of backup plans when things go unexpectedly. Getting real about the labor that event logistics entail will help you reflect and understand what work you are willing to do in the lead up to and on the day of your marriage. It will also help you recognize what you do not want to be in charge of. Grounding into reality always makes us feel more secure about our decisions.

• Hire a professional. Pick a coordinator or planner who will be able to meet you where you are and guide you in the decisions you have to make. They will also handle pretty much all the logistical duties above taking them off your plate. If the logistics overwhelm you to the point that having a wedding or elopement doesn’t sound fun, then hiring a planner should be a priority in your budget.

• Call in your community. If you feel like you can handle delegating these jobs and managing the people doing them, then consider asking friends and family to take on some of these roles. While this is an option, we find that it’s often still a ton of work for the couple. Your community wants to do right by you, which usually means that they will come back to you with any questions or to approve any decisions. That’s great, but often means that you are pretty much doing the work you don’t want to be doing anyway. Additionally, make sure you are considering your friends and family’s energy levels. Like we acknowledge above, the logistics of event planning are labor intensive and you may not want to delegate that to the people you love (and want to celebrate alongside you).

UNDERSTAND THE BIG PICTURE AND “WHY” BEHIND YOUR PLANNING PROCESS.

Oftentimes, wedding planning resources and professionals jump into the process of planning without giving couples the context for their process. Being asked tons of questions about preferences can be super overwhelming if you don’t understand why you need to have an opinion and how it fits into the bigger picture.

No matter how little or how much you know about planning, we like to start by asking couples about why they want to get married and how they want to feel on the day of their marriage celebration. We inquire about what they are looking forward to most in the planning process, as well as what makes them a bit nervous. We ask couples about their “must haves” and “no gos” and discover the key players who will be present. We ask them if there are decor ideas they know they want to include or want to stay away from. We make sure to start with the couple’s desires and then build out the logistics from there.

Part of this is done by identifying your celebration values. These are your priorities for your marriage day, the experiences you want to have, how much you have to spend, and who you want to be there. We do not recommend diving into vendors and venues until after these discussions. When you start with the foundation of what you want, it is easy to identify and understand what you need to do.

For those of you who like big picture workflows, we have provided the big buckets of tasks that you need to fulfill during the planning process. Please remember that almost all of these items are negotiable and none of them except a licensed officiant are required for you to get married. You get to decide how big and expansive you want your vision to be. Be prepared to own the bigness of the planning process that makes your vision possible.

Wedding + Elopement Buckets of Tasks

• Celebration values

• Guest communication plan

• Location selection

• Accommodations

• Timeline draft

• Vendor selection

• Outfits + personal care

• Décor plan

• MVP tasks

• Finalize details

• Marriage license

• Rehearse

• GET MARRIED

MAKE YOUR TO-DO LIST SPECIFIC + ACTIONABLE.

The best advice we can give anyone on planning is to break down your big decisions into small decisions or tiny tasks. This is called “single tasking” and makes sure that every big step is clearly mapped out with the small steps necessary to complete the big step. Let’s show you an example of how this breaks down:

One common planning to-do list item is to decide on a guest list. This is how we break this down:

1. Read a resource on wedding values to help you have a discussion about the amount of people you want at your celebration and the vibe you want to create.

2. Start recording names of people you want to invite. Using our guest list directions see them in linked blog to guest list here, we ask them to label each guest by:   

   • A: Immediate family & closest friends

   • B: Would love to have, but wouldn't wreck your day if they can't come — Wider Circle of friends, close aunts / uncles, grandparents

   • C: Nice to have if budget allows — Old friends you haven't seen in awhile, close work friends, all extended aunts / uncles / cousins, plus ones you don't know

   • D: Feel obligated to invite — friends of parents, work colleagues, etc.

3. Fill out the guest list in accordance with your values. You may only invite lists A-B for a weekend blowout, list A for a more intimate celebration, and lists A-D for a larger wedding. We include a video on how to leverage our guest list program to track their RSVPs, responsibilities, and so many more things throughout the lifespan of your event.

4. Finalize the guest list and begin to think about how you want to communicate with them (websites, invitations, etc.).

5. Acquire the necessary contact information to communicate with your guests.

We find that defining your celebration values at the beginning of the process helps ground each item in the process in what you want, rather than what you are supposed to do. This can clear the overwhelm for many folks because each action has a definite purpose that contributes to their celebration.

Photos courtesy of Weiss Photo + Film.

We hope that these overviews can help you all feel grounded in the wedding planning process. Hosting any type of thoughtful celebration takes labor, but when the labor is purposefully leading to a result you want, the work often feels less overwhelming and more manageable. By deciding what type of work you want to do for your wedding or elopement, understanding the types of tasks you will have to do, and being able to break those tasks into smaller action items, we hope that you will be able to engage with the planning process with a little less overwhelm.

— Kelleen, Tapestry Content Manager