Tapestry’s Vision for the Wedding Industry: Couples
I’ll be honest: I sat down to write this blog about ten different times. Each time, something a little different has come out of my fingertips. Writing about our vision for the future of an industry is no small act. There are so many facets to consider, so many potential lives impacted, and so much already bound up in marriage and weddings. How to untangle all of that into a vision?
The only way I know how to write this blog is by rooting for the future that I wish already existed today. The ideas that follow are not revolutionary because they are new. They are not revolutionary because they do not already exist. Instead, they are revolutionary because they are not common practice.
What we envision at Tapestry, more than anything else, is an industry that shifts its center from binding traditions, aesthetic trends, and consumerism to an industry based in meaningful ritual, diversity and inclusion, and thoughtful investments in art and connection. So from that intention, here is our vision for the future of the wedding industry.
ABOUT COUPLES
WE ENVISION A FUTURE WHERE COUPLES ARE FREE OF SHAME FROM…
Questioning religious- or tradition-based obligations.
We believe in the power of daily practices, faith, and ritual. The forms of spiritual connection that guide you on your path in life are important. Often, it’s appropriate and can provide deeper meaning to the day by incorporating your beliefs into your ceremony. And they should be YOUR beliefs and practices; not the beliefs and practices you think you “should” incorporate based on outside expectations. So often, we hear of couples incorporating activities and traditions into their celebration to satisfy their family’s expectations. When those expectations begin to build, the day becomes a daunting compilation of ceremony with little value to the couple actually getting married. Sometimes, the moralistic and institutional legacies attached to marriage often hold back those partners who would otherwise seek out a committed and ritualized partnership, stopping the marriage before it even begins. We rally against the binding nature of tradition for tradition’s sake and see a future where couples pass all decisions through a filter of whether an activity or practice means something to THEM on their marriage day.
The expectation of what a bride or groom looks like according to a gender binary system.
In order for the bridal industry to sell more, our wedding media has converged with, yes, you guessed it, traditional patriarchal advertising values. The result? We are sold the idea of a bride that is skinny, white, cisgendered, straight, young, and virginal. What is she not? A non-model size or shape, a woman of color, LGBTQ+, above the age of 30, pregnant, a mother, or any other role attached to a non-chastity-belted woman. We see the story of a bride's father paying for her perfect many-thousand-dollar-gown on Say Yes To The Dress, rather than the story of the empowered working femme finding an awesome deal on an outfit that makes her feel like a damn rock star. We see the story of an aspiring bride lobbying for the attention of a man who could change her life on The Bachelor or Love Island, rather than two consenting adults balancing fun dates with values-based conversations that could form the foundation of a true and lasting partnership. AND THAT IS SOME BULLSHIT not based in reality.
Yet, it's what the mainstream media feeds into the bridal industry and, whether consciously or subconsciously, it affects the mindset of what a bride expects herself to be on her wedding day AND into her married relationship. Brides internalize the message that, if they fall short of these images and expectations, that they aren't ready to become a bride or a wife. But our identities and appearance don't equate to our readiness for substantial partnership. We are calling in a world where media leaders hold a megaphone up to truly inclusive and diverse messaging, cut the bullshit programming, and represent the world of brides that already exist.
And what of grooms? Where are they in the media? A supporting actor to their fellow cisgendered, virginal partner? Second fiddle on a day that features the bride? Whelp, here we have another steaming pile of BS ripe for consumption. Because of the couples we work with, even the most enlightened, self-aware, balanced masculine counterparts will dive into the planning process self-identifying as the backup dancer in a show FEATURING THEIR MARRIAGE. And guess what? We don't judge. Because that is exactly the messaging they have been fed their whole lives when it comes to wedding planning. It may even be reinforced by their partner or family if they are caught up in the bridal script we described above. And it's not anyone's fault. But we are calling in a world where grooms and partners who would traditionally self-identify as support stand tall as equals in the planning process, participate fully in the preparation for marriage, and take up just as much of the spotlight in their celebration alongside their loved one.
This vision doesn’t end with a balanced binary. We believe the industry needed to represent couples of all shapes, sizes, abilities, and gender expressions YESTERDAY. Sure, you may see efforts at greater diversity and inclusion in the occasional post or during Pride Month. But the truth is that the majority of wedding content platforms feature imagery with straight cis white couples, including Instagram and Pinterest. Given that these platforms are where most couples research ideas for their celebration, this is a huge miss. Imagery that represents beautiful love should be beautiful in its diversity, not its exclusivity. We see a future where content platforms who benefit from their connection to the wedding industry take proactive steps to diversity their imagery and represent the full spectrum of love. We see a world where couples do not have to search for inclusion, but rather, have a wealth of resources that feel inspirational to them through their representation. We believe the wedding industry should see and celebrate you for who you are, rather than putting you in a box to feed trends and online traction. We see a future where modern wedding celebrations break the binary and diversify what beautiful love and successful marriage looks like.
Placing boundaries on family dynamics and obligations.
Weddings can “kick up a lot of dust,” as we like to say. Weddings are often a family affair, which means that couples may have people weighing in on the proceedings. Sometimes, those thoughts and opinions are based on their own relationships and history/baggage. We think it is a mistake to adopt or allow too much space for a couple’s event to get hijacked by someone else’s relationships and decisions. Instead, we see a future where couples are emboldened to place boundaries around who can weigh in on the planning process. We see a future where the wedding planning chapter is a sacred space for couples to practice the communication and relationship tools they want to carry into their family life together. We see a future where couples confidently advocate for the relationships that mean something to them and drop a sense of obligation for relationships that do not belong on their wedding day. We see a future where wedding events are not diluted by a sense of adopted obligations, but are instead infused with meaningful relationships the couple wants to maintain in their marriage.
Doing things the way they want to, even if it is different from the wedding script others cling to.
Difference is not bad – it should be celebrated. Your love is not a trend, a vibe, or any other temporary, aesthetically-driven value that the mainstream industry may lead you to believe is important. Your love is not your parent’s or your friend’s expectations. Your love is not just your wedding day, but a series of choices that you make together EVERY day. We see a future where couples embrace what makes them unique, and what they value, and use that to make decisions about their wedding day. Let your path be completely unique in all the ways that you are. Break the wedding mold. Invite your loved ones into YOUR commitment celebration.
Photos courtesy of Katie Day Photo.
WE ENVISION A FUTURE WHERE COUPLES ARE FREE FROM ATTACHMENTS LIKE…
Perfection.
The expectation of being a “perfect bride,” a “perfect couple,” or having the “perfect marriage” is societally conditioned and reinforced. It is also a force in the wedding industry itself. The idea of perfection is often set up as a pre-qualifier for a successful wedding and, therefore, a successful marriage. To put our feelings plainly: This idea is false and incredibly detrimental to the mindset of an engaged couple. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation in any situation, but especially in a complex event planning environment, and especially in building a marriage. I have seen the idea of perfection steal untold amounts of joy from couples. Let’s create a future where, instead of setting couples up to fail at perfection, we set couples up to succeed at communication, collaboration, and creative problem-solving. I see a future where each couple practices a flexible expectation of their wedding planning process. A team that embraces imperfection and creative problem solving will generate an event much more representative of your personalities, AND it is a practice you can apply to the challenges you tackle in married life.
We see a future where the perfect body is not a precondition for love and marriage. Your body is such a small part of who you are and has nothing to do with your worthiness to be seen, loved, and celebrated. You don't need to change a damn thing. Plan and live for the meat suit you're rocking today, and the one that your partner already loves so dearly. If a wedding is a catalyst for increasing your health and longevity, fantastic. Remember that no one trained for a marathon in a day. There is no goal you HAVE to meet for your wedding day. Sustainable health is a lifelong commitment and endeavor. Detach your expectations for health from your wedding day and instead create a plan that sets you up for a healthy LIFE: mind, body, and spirit. We see a future where couples feel loved and held by the industry in all their biological diversity.