Embracing Your Intimate Wedding After Your Big Celebration is Cancelled
Specializing in elopements is… well… a very special thing to us. As planners, we spend 30% of our time on two person adventure elopements, 30% of our time on retreat-style intimate weddings, and 30% of our time on larger wedding celebrations. (And for those of you out there who want satisfying math, we spend the last 10% on officiant duties). We spend most of our year preparing for the intimacy of smaller events, which come with their own unique set of considerations as compared to larger events.
TO COUPLES PLANNING DURING COVID-19.
In speaking with many 2020 couples who have recently decided to postpone their larger event, we’ve had the honor to step in and assist with creating smaller events that draw forward the special sauce of their marriage celebration within the safety constraints of our time. However, getting yourself in the mindset to set aside the large celebration vision you’ve been building all year can be tricky. So we want to share some tips and tricks we’ve picked up in our work with our clients to help guide you on your path.
If you are a couple who has DIY planned your whole wedding or been deeply involved in the planning process with professional help, I want you to pause right here, right now, and give yourself the biggest pat on the back. Heck, go spontaneously hug your partner about it! You have immersed yourself in a level of detail for your event that makes up our professional careers. You basically shouldered a part-time job on top of your existing, full life in order to create a meaningful and epic launch to your marriage. YOU DID THAT. And just because it isn’t being realized this year doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It did. You did that work and it’s worthy of recognition and praise.
You’ve also managed to get through quarantine in the midst of that extra part-time job and your full life. And keep in mind that no one knew how to quarantine before the pandemic arrived. We want you to now pause and think about what quarantine has looked like for you. How has your life changed? How have you adapted for the safety and well being of your community? What have you sacrificed from the vision of what your year was supposed to look? Chances are, if you planned your own wedding, you also spent a lot of time and energy in rescheduling your event. You might have even planned the equivalent of two or three weddings at this point! Those sacrifices, changes, shifts, and adaptations are equally as real as the work you did on your wedding. Take a pause and recognize what a strong, caring, feeling creature you are for being in a pandemic in your wedding year.
ADAPTING YOUR CELEBRATION.
Acknowledging what is “so” in your experience is the best place to start building anew. And chances are, if you’re reading this article, you’re ready to start building an intimate celebration this year that feels whole and complete in its own right. WE ARE HERE FOR IT. So without further ado, here are our top three pieces of advice when it comes time to embrace your intimate wedding:
1. Your intimate celebration has its own unique purpose and identity.
And that purpose is not a re-work but a whole new thing. In working with 2020 couples, we have seen many of them get stuck in the commitments they so carefully crafted for their large celebration, clouding their vision for this new celebration. We recognize that it is hard to pause the momentum behind the ideas you’ve been building into for the past year, so be patient with yourself. It’s important to remember that this intimate celebration, while happening in the same year as your original wedding, is a fresh and new idea. The intentions you may have set for your wedding — gathering a giant group of loved ones, having an epic dance party, or offering up a grand gesture √ cannot be achieved with a smaller event. So wipe the slate clean and ask: What do you want to create in an intimate celebration? What can you embrace about the size and new nature of the group that cannot be achieved in a year at a larger affair? Start with creating your top three values for this new event as a couple, and let those set your course for the decisions and hires that follow.
2. You don’t have to repurpose your purchases, but you most certainly can!
Weddings are a large investment, sometimes with gracious and generous contributions made by loved ones. Part of the identity confusion you may be feeling in the transition between events could be due to the financial investments you’ve made into your wedding. You have so carefully selected who and what you will hire and some of those needs are consistent between the two events. The services that we see frequently crossing over on a smaller scale are photography and videography, floral arrangements, dessert, and hair and make-up services. If you feel strongly about the personalities and talent that you’ve hired for your wedding, reach out and ask if your vendors are willing to credit a portion of your payment towards your intimate celebration his year, while also crediting forward any payments rendered towards your wedding next year. This can be a great way to realize some of the value you’ve invested into your wedding this year and work with the vendors with whom you have relationships. If, however, you feel that your intimate wedding has a unique identity you’d like to explore independent of next year’s celebration, don’t be afraid to reach out and hire newly. There are many vendors in the Pacific Northwest that specialize in intimate weddings and elopements. Their offerings are tailored to match the size and vibe of smaller events and they are beyond enthusiastic about the opportunity for creativity that smaller events present. You may also want to take the opportunity to leverage your new investments to benefit specific communities, such as female- and/or BIPOC-owned or led creatives and products.
3. When it comes to safety and logistics, communicate proactively.
If there is anything we as planners have learned from a pandemic in the world of weddings, it is that creating a communication cadence with your guests is key to success. We know, we know, you’re ready to leave this pandemic in the dust (and so are we!). But the fact of the matter is that, with any intentional gathering between now and when a vaccine is developed, there is a burden of responsibility on hosts to take necessary precautions and care on behalf of their guests. There will also be a period of re-acclimation for all of us, and people will have to take time to understand their preferences and comfort level when it comes to sharing space with other people outside of their home. Stay in tune with the health metrics in your community and make those resources available to your new celebration’s guest list. For Washington celebrations, we have been using Washington State’s COVID-19 Risk Assessment Dashboard. When you send your first invite, provide resources and let your guests know the safety protocols you will be putting in place to take care of any health risks. That will empower your guests to opt in or out based on their own needs. Also include an update on when they can expect their next communication from you regarding active tracking of phase progression and health measures in your celebration’s county. If they know you have eyes on their safety, you’ll have less emails and emotions to manage in your inbox as you build this new event.
Most important? You can do this! And not because we’re biased and love celebrations. But because your love and commitment is worthy of a special kind of acknowledgement. In our eyes, an intimate celebration separated from a large wedding gives you the opportunity to zoom in on ceremony, deep connection, and family culture this year, while giving the party and big sense of community a time and place all its own next year. And if you need some help, or don’t want to plan your third celebration of the year, reach out. We’d love to help create something intentional with you and give your planner brain a much deserved break. <3
— Kate, Tapestry Creative Director